How Ya Doin'

bagelosophy:

Drew some familiar faces

This should be on a mountain. 

Greetings my fellow students, I, Professor Preposterouch’d have returned from my journey to further my own knowledge on Pokémon.

And rocks.

Let’s skip the heartwarming words and drinking of Sunkern nectars, and jump right back into enlightening our minds and body with the force that unites us all. Pokémon. And rocks.

Last time, we left off with Shellder, the little bivalve Pokémon with a tongue for a foot with a pearl for a face and Carvanha, a little angry pacman piranha that can bit through ships made out of steel, yet has the heart of a shy schoolgirl. Now you might be pondering, why did I not follow up directly with their evolved forms, as per usual format. Well you see, Pokémon hold great mysteries. No two Pokémon are alike, all are different, just as every snowflake that falls onto us on a winter storm.

Except for Cloyster and Sharpedo.

“SHARPEDO can swim at speeds of up to 75 mph by jetting seawater out of its backside. This Pokémon’s drawback is its inability to swim long distances.” (Sapphire)

“CLOYSTER is capable of swimming in the sea. It does so by swallowing water, then jetting it out toward the rear. This Pokémon shoots spikes from its shell using the same system.” (Ruby/Sapphire)

Remember how Pupitar flew around like a jet by propelling gas out his rear end? Well not wanting to be outdone, the sea created Cloyster and Sharpedo to do the same. The swim by jetting water out their but.

Now, as a man of science, Pokémon, rocks, and reciting the most poetic of lines (that’s right ladies, gonna get you all Luvdisc in this house), I will refrain from making the obvious liquid waste joke. That’s just crude (And it’s reserved for our poison waste Pokémon anyway).

Just think about it, any time Cloyster and Sharpedo want to move, the fart out a jet of water from their rear end.  Why would they do that? To what purpose do they have to act in such a silly matter? No one knows, and no one will ever know, it is the greatest mystery in the world, and it’s impossible to even fathom an idea or theory upon why.

Here’s what I think happened though. Remember the hands of science? (See Pokédex article Machoke)

The hands of science scared them into loosening their bowels and discharging their watery waste into a final attempt to jet out from danger, and ever since they have taught this legendary technique to their grandchildren.

Ah damn it I made a diarrhea joke.

-Professor Preposterouch’d 

Professor Preposterouch’d* returns home. It’s Pokemon learning time. 

*Formerly known as Professor Farfetch’d, the undeclared name of the Professor of Pokemon and Rocks**

**Not to be confused with Rock Pokemon, or Pokemon Rocks. He is a Professor in both as well though

As  soon as I return from the moon, you got some explaining to do. 

(Source: bagelosophy)

bagelosophy:

How am I supposed to decide!?

Then he was devoured by the sandwiches.  

berserkerboy:

Bromian McBrovoy

Do I hear American Embassy in this gentleman’s future? 

The villians in Dustforce don’t have names as far as I know, so I gave them names.

Dustslime. Almost as cool as the old man Dustworth. Almost. 

Old man is best man. 

Dustworth from Dustforce (Owned by Hitbox)

holdthewatermelons:

Practicing with my tablet.
Bone monster in the desert 

WHAT BINDS HIS BONES TO THE SANDS OF HIS HOME!?

berserkerboy:

bagelosophy:

That Barbecue Bastard…

Based on a real conversation.

Guys I can explai…is that a churro?

bagelosophy:

holdthewatermelons:

That’s how I roll

He scares me…

I bet he final boss.

hazor:

Abandoned Televisions

My hero on the telly.

(Source: hazor, via asilahc)

bagelosophy:

Skyrim

Stupid Taduko

bagelosophy:

Scare

Taskmaster this is getting out of hand.